Never Mind the Billhooks

Offside report by Jim

Meeting 4 October 2024

Andrew brought some of his collection of medieval toy soldier to allow us to try out the commercial set of rules ‘Never Mind The Billhooks’ (NMTB) by Andy Callan. https://www.nevermindthebillhooks.com/

The scenario was simple, a Lancastrian (yay!) army faced off against a Yorkist horde (boo!) and with only very minimum manoeuvre engaged in a believable-looking battles (always something I look for in a pre-modern wargame with toy soldiers).

There is a real pleasure in the visuals of this thanks to Andrew’s painting, and genuine decisions to take in a simple game. Notwithstanding my personal issue with buckets of dice (BOD) game mechanisms and the widespread use of the archaic wargaming mechanism of ‘saving throws’ (dating back to Don Featherstone and his generation who started writing rules in the 1950s) the game flowed well and the various troop types balanced in a credible way.

I do recognise that Games Workshop, with their vast populartity with adolescent boys have been behind what I think of as a cultural backwater of BOD and Saving Throws becoming the mainstream in toy soldier wargames, and as a GoG (Grumpy Old Grognard) understand that to a large degree my objections are based on a rationale that probably doesn’t mater in the larger scheme of things – that is people having fun with their games.

And we had fun with NMTB, with players casting handfulls of dice and poring over their portents like augers of ancient times hoping to find good fortune in their randomly generated wooden entrails.

So much so that I may very well buy a set of rules and dig out my old medieval toy soldiers from the depths of storage. And encourage Andrew to do this again! Though personally I’d like to see some experimentation with the core ruleset – just because its CLWG and, well, we like tinkering don’t we?

The author of the rules, Andy Callan, was a founder member of Wargames Developments has a deep love for the period. These rules reflect this in particular the realistic constraints on organisation of a force, its possible action and the supreme difficulty of maneuver and the key role of (and risk to) leaders in this period. I remember being told by Ed Smith (who introduced me to Wars of the Roses battle s

ome time last century that the outcome of battles can be reduced to which noble turned up, who fought, who died and who survived. The fate of the rest was largely of secondary importance!

I also liked the way the battle resolved quickly and that the losing side collapses quickly once the tide turns on them – this all seems historically reasonable. And the way this is packaged as a recreational game for hobby wargamers who may not have a deep understanding of the period is extremely well done. It manages the balance between simulation and mere game very well.

Thanks Andrew – really interesting game – more please!